Posted tagged ‘VA’

All over so soon

November 9, 2011

After an exploratory interview with a voluntary agency i’ve just received a phone call to say they’re not going to take me on.

The official line is that I have lots to offer and they think i’ll be a great adoptive parent but That the time isn’t right. They think that because i’m so young my life could change dramatically in the next few years and that a child would need a high level of stability in that time.

I think they’re worried I’d meet someone and mess a child around. Whereas I feel like I just lost my only chance to have a family (a bit melodramatic but i’m sure you can relate).

How does anyone get over this disappointment?


Initial Meeting with VA

October 27, 2011

Recently I attended my first face-to-face meeting with an adoption agency and what an experience it was. It involved me travelling to the offices of the VA and meeting a social worker to discuss both the adoption process and give them some information about me. I¬†was incredibly nervous about the meeting as I felt like a lot was riding on it going well. I’d had dreams about terrible interviews for a few days beforehand so when the day finally arrived I just wanted to get it over with. I don’t want to go into too many specific details, as it is not my intention to share every minute detail of my own adoption experience but more to provide an overview for other prospective adopters.

The most striking thing for me was how little I actually had to talk. Other than talking initially about my reasons for wanting to adopt I barely spoke. The social worker did far more than half of the talking as she explained some of the details of VAs, matching, home study and contact arrangements. I was regularly asked questions on my experience in particular areas and my opinion on different situations but I was surprised how little talking I was required to do.

At one point I remember seeing a folder labelled ‘Exploratory interview’ and it put a smile on my face immediately. Before the meeting I had imagined that they were going to want to know every detail of my life in order to decide whether I was going to make a decent parent but upon seeing the folder I realised that wasn’t the purpose of the meeting at all. The purpose was for exploration; for me to explore the VAs system of preparing adopters and for them to explore some of my details and get to know a little bit about me.

The meeting appeared to be positive. I recall at one point over-analysing something that had been said about ‘if you adopt with another agency’ and choosing to take that as a negative. However, there were a large number of positive indicators as well so I suppose I’m unclear about what the decision will be (but then I suppose, that’s how it’s supposed to be).

So now begins the waiting game. Waiting to hear of their decision and if it’s positive then waiting to begin the rest of the process. I have a lovely buzzing feeling in my tummy today, the feeling of actual progress. Whether or not this agency chooses to take me up, I have taken a step in the right direction and feel like my journey has well and truly begun.